Lessons will be repeated until you learn from your mistakes.
I had a challenging year when I dated a number of people. I was looking for love when they were looking for sex. Funnily, I was so surprised when I could not break this vicious circle. I was doing the exact same thing hoping for a different result. Again and again. Until someone broke my heart so badly.. it all stopped.
Then I met a guy – a gentleman, I thought – in such a different life circumstance, also him being so different from all the rest, and after so long of being on my own. So, I thought to myself that finally I can have a fresh start – carta blanca if you will. I was allured that this will be a successful adult relationship from the start. I made myself believe that it will be good. So, I saw only good.
Do not get me wrong. It was good. After so much time of being treated like an option, I finally felt like a priority. He made me feel like that and I was thankful for him. He took me to the most exquisite and adventurous dates, we bonded over talks about philosophy, poetry and meaning of life. We danced waltz at midnight in front of a Big Ben. We made the biggest burnt pancakes. We had numerous inside jokes and puns. He wanted to take it slow – I loved it and it was truly magical. Until one day I woke up..
We have been seeing each other for 3 months when I started to drop hints about exclusivity. I knew what I wanted and it was him. The first time I brought the topic to the surface, he told me he was not ready to answer this question yet. He needed some time – I thought. I would lie if I said that it didn’t hurt me, but I chose to take it slow. I felt okay with this reality, especially that I was determined that it will be a success story.
Yesterday, on the International Woman’s Day, we went for a date. During this date one question lead to another and I saw myself standing in a crossroad of either asking the question about whether he is seeing someone else, or never doing that. Hence, I went along with my curiosity. I asked him this everything-changing question. Me not seeing anyone else and being incredibly naïve, I thought that he would be doing the same thing. To my biggest surprise he did not reassured me of his exclusive interest but instead he stated that he did not understand the question. I was taken aback but I persisted. I asked him whether he is hanging out with anyone else. He told me that yes, with his friends. Hence, you cannot imagine my embarrassment when I had to step over my pride and ask him specifically whether he is hanging out with girls in a romantic way. He said.. yes. And he said that he sees no vice in this, because he is single and he can do whatever he wants. Yes. I completely agree with him. Unless you are seeing a person for 3 months and share the night with that person too. 3 months it is an enough time to know whether you want to proceed with that person or not.
Hence, I got my answer.
Post factum and personally, all of this was not a question of me feeling not good enough, or me being overwhelmed with paranoia of who is this other girl or multiple of them – those facts did not hurt me. I felt hopeless because loyalty and trust were taken away. I was naïve enough thinking that if I viewed this person as an only person I want to be with, they will feel the same. Classic.
I then went home, switched off my mobile phone and had numerous long drinks with my flatmates until 3am on Wednesday night reminiscing love. The next day I accepted a date invitation from a guy who was chasing me for many months. Overall, I haven’t done anything on a grand scale. I haven’t erased the guy of 3 months from my life or cried myself to sleep. I will let the time do that.
If he has to choose between me and her, of course, please, do not choose me. It should not be a race. And ironically, in a long time, it did not feel that way.
So, guys, at the end, I think was taken. I was taken for granted.