Fuck. I haven’t written in a while. Hello. How are you all doing? I have been thinking a lot, deciding to do so much and doing nothing at the end. Classic.
I am still inlove with the guy who doesn’t even like me.
I am still selling my whole body for him just to get a kiss once in a week.
I am still crying every night to sleep, saying that tomorrow will be the last day when we are together and I am going to end it all; and doing nothing in the morning.
I have no justification for my behaviour; I am stupid, naive, afraid of being alone. Maybe. Maybe not. I know only one thing for sure. I know that I am tired. Tired of it all. Explanations; plans; unfulfilled hopes.
I have recently rejected a guy who wanted a relationship with me and then this relationship to develop into something special. Can you imagine, guys? I, personally, soberly, rejected that. I am so stupid. This is all that I have ever wanted.. but not with him.
I guess we are just attracted to the type of love that reminds us of what we had when we were kids. When I look at myself at 2am in the mirror, I see that all that I want is to suffer. Damn.
I wish that I was a girl with big open heart, faith in love and luck. But I have kissed too many lips to talk about innocence. I have fallen asleep with too many men to believe in innocence. And I have been hurt by far too many to be innocent myself.
I am going to sleep.