This time in my life is so strange. How can I be so fortunate with my friends, yet so unfortunate in love? The only love from men I am getting is a secondhanded, materialistic and all-destructing one. It is scary. And the reason why it is scary, is because we are what we attract. I am afraid that I am this secondhanded, materialistic and all-destructing woman, so I attract that kind of love. It is because of me and not because of the people who surround me.
I look at the happy couples and I imagine myself being in a happy relationship. Ah, dreams, dreams.. I am so glad I can see so many of my friends in a fulfilling relationships. They give me an example of how the real love looks like and that I should never settle for less. I love to secretly observe them together – their gestures, their whispers and the way they treat me in their company is an experience to live for.
I don’t know if I find a loving boyfriend in my life – maybe I will or maybe I will not. I used to think that getting boyfriends must be so easy when I was in a relationship. However, once you are on the other side of a fence and it becomes your reality, you see the true colours. Maybe it is easy to find but to keep one.. is a completely different story. And the reason why it is tricky, is because I probably attract the wrong ones – the emotionally unavailable; cheaters; still inlove with their ex’s. Also, London is such an interesting place of everything having an incredibly fast pace. You are in a rush when you are going to work; you are in a rush during the lunch break; you are in a rush when getting to your favourite bar after 5pm. People are constantly in a rush and people have so many options – everything and everyone in London are quickly replaceable because of the magnitude of choice. And people have an expiry date.