I might appear as a very confident person. And I am, most of the time. But there is one area where I am total rubbish. It is centred around emotions, namely: love.
First date
Before the date: Oh yes! I am very excited. I put an effort in how I look (elegance over gaucheness), I scroll past news and interesting topics happening in the world right now, and I have conversations in my head that we might execute later. I basically prepare more for it than for a job interview.
During the date: Well, it is usually two ways that the date can go. Awesome or awful. Been there, done that. But let’s focus on this better one. So, I listen to your stories, tell you mine, you make me laugh, I am very happy, I wonder if you kiss me. The atmosphere is great, you can feel the chemistry – atoms literally flouting around us.
After the date: I really like the guy. Does he like me? Ah, I would like to see him again. I need to call my best friend. And he was such a good kisser. And he is so smart and so witty and.. stop stop, girl. You just met him. Let it all settle down..
This is a crucial moment when my pessimistic rationality creeps in: Maybe he wants to take you to bed and that’s it. Do you want to be hurt again? Are you sure you recovered from the past relationship? Do you even want a relationship at all? You need to stop it until it.. *message from him* Ah, never mind, he is cute.
Second date
Before the date: What should I wear? Should I wear this sexy lingerie, as even if I do not plan to have sexy time, it will make me feel more attractive anyway, right? Should I tie my hair? What if he doesn’t recognise me in a ponytail, what if I look ugly with it? No, no, I will better straighten my hair. Glasses or no glasses?
During the date: Oh my. Oh my! He is even better than the last time. And his smile and those eyes. I want to kiss him, I want to know him, I want to hold his hand. I am so happy right now and I am a hopeless chatterbox. Gosh, girl. Slow down. You do not need to tell your life story in one gulp. Oh, when he kisses me, I am melting. Can’t think right now..
After the date: I think he really likes me. I like him too. And the way he told this joke. Haha. It was so funny. And the way he hugged me. And held my hand in the cinema. Ah, I am so silly. But I like it.
Rationality: Hey, girl. You still don’t know the guy. Don’t fall for him. Listen to what your friends are saying. And they are warning you that he might just play with your heart. And it seems that he will. Just look at how everything is so smooth. Do you think if he wasn’t good at it, it would be like that? It seems like he has a lot of girls to play with. Be careful.
Third date
Before the date: Hmm, sister texted me that she would like to meet the guy. But hey, wait, I don’t know him myself yet. And to be honest, I don’t know whether he likes me. I mean, he asks me for dates, but he doesn’t answer my messages like for hours. He might be busy or might be sipping those cocktails with some other pretty face. Also, every time we go out, we split the bill. I mean, I have nothing against that. I would just like to witness old gentlemen attention, when the guy offers to pay for a date. I am stupid. Those little things are meaningless, why am I putting so much attention to them? Am I looking for something negative to be a valid reason to run away?..
During the date: No, no, no. I didn’t say that. Goodness gracious. I made this rude comeback. And I called him something offensive and why am I focusing on a bad stories of mine. He didn’t have to know the story when I was completely drunk and almost got lost in a foreign country. Or that detail about my dating life. No. Why am I doing this?
After the date: I am so surprised he didn’t leave me like in 20minutes. The date was so good. He is adorable. I was so happy when he held my hand and wanted to protect me from wind, and took me to the flower market because he knew I love flowers.
Rationality: Girl. You see what is happening. You are behaving like an idiot. Because you are one. You are putting your walls up. I don’t know what to say. Do you want me to say that it is good to be like that? Yes, maybe. By choosing these tactics you definitely won’t be hurt. You will end everything even before it begins. Good. But on the other hand, do you really want that? Do you want to say ‘no’ to this good guy that seems to want to make you happy? But you know what? Maybe you are right. Maybe it is better to end before it is too late. Maybe you are better of by being there by yourself. And I know what you will do next. You will lock yourself in the library. Studying until you are exhausted in order not to think about it. This is your reality. You have not went to more dates that three of them. Because you have programmed your defence mechanism like that. Just think what happened to other guys? One you called a psychopath, with the other you were so cold, that neither of them wanted to see you again. And what did you get? You got what you though will ultimately happen anyways – that they all will leave you. And they did. Why do you want it to happen again? Why are you afraid to be happy?
Because I learnt that every fantasy has an ending..
hello mademoiselle 